


99 problems (and a brother's definitely one)

by callunavulgari



Category: Kingdom Hearts, The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Crossover, F/M, Humor, M/M, Multi, Posting Bail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-30
Updated: 2013-04-30
Packaged: 2017-12-09 23:58:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/779452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callunavulgari/pseuds/callunavulgari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Wait a second,” you hiss, turning in the drivers seat to look at him properly. “Loki Odinsson? That Loki? As in Odin & Sons, the most prestigious fucking business in the world? Iron Man’s fiance, Loki?” Mutely he nods, and you have to shift the car back into park, putting your face in your hands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	99 problems (and a brother's definitely one)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alywashere17 @ tumblr](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=alywashere17+%40+tumblr), [AlyWasHere17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyWasHere17/gifts).



> alywashere17 on tumblr asked for 11 and 7 to convince 4 to bail them out of jail for a meme that I did ages ago. Crack was the result.

“Hey, uh, Sora. My favorite big brother!” There’s a pause, and you can hear your brother breathing over the line—the falsely cheery little puffs of air, usually accompanied by a blatantly false little grin, that only ever comes out when he needs something and is about to attempt to butter you up. Roxas coughs, and you can imagine him shuffling his feet a bit. After another moment, he continues in a strained voice, “What’s up?”

 

You sigh and gently nudge Kairi off of you. She slumps over with a little huff and glares playfully up at you. “Oh god, what do you want, Roxas.”

 

A suspicious silence. And then— “Who says I want anything?”

 

You scoff, sitting up a little bit. “You always get the ‘little brother wants my candy’ voice when you need something. Not that I don’t appreciate talking to my little bro, but uh, I’ve kind of got something going on over here.”

 

“Oh.” And then, a moment later. “Oh, _ew_. Please tell me that you aren’t in the middle of a blowjob right now.”

 

Kairi grins at you, so mischievous that you don’t even jump when a pale hand reaches around from your other side and wraps a hand around you. You grit your teeth. “Well I’m not now, but uh. There’s definitely a bit of a breeze down there.”

 

“Wait, which one—”

 

You heave a flustered sigh, batting at Kairi when she leans forward to start mouthing lazily at your neck. “Roxas, I am not discussing my sex life with my little brother while there’s a hand on my dick, okay? We’re close, but not that close. Now, for the last time. _What do you want_?”

 

There’s a pause, long enough that Riku looks up at you, brow arched and lips pursed.

 

You’re about to hang up when Roxas lets out a loud exhale and then whispers, so fast that if you weren’t his twin you probably wouldn’t understand him, “ _Howmuchmoneydoyouhaverightnow_?”

 

.

 

The jail is actually pretty pristine, for being a jail. White walls, white floors, a lot of steel and plastic. It reminds you more of one of those insane asylums from the movies than an actual jail, but that’s what you get for living in the suburbs. Why Roxas is here is what you’re wondering, because the last time you’d heard from your brother, he was sharing an apartment with his boyfriend in New York while he got a degree in law and Axel worked on not whoring himself out to pay for their shitty apartment.

 

Then again, the last time you’d been to the police department had been that time you’d had to fly to New York to bail Roxas and Axel out of jail for protesting something or another. You hope this isn’t going to become a theme. Your bank account can’t handle it.

 

Apparently you’re posting bail for two people, so you just sigh and fork over the money. All the same, it’s a bit of a surprise when the person following your brother out isn’t Axel, but a tall, pale dude with dark hair and a shit ton of piercings. Even with the steel in his face he looks somehow... regal, back ramrod straight, shoulders back—there’s a look in his eyes that says he’s too important for this shit. The words “Wait til my father hears about this,” comes to mind.

 

He looks oddly familiar too, like you’ve seen him on the streets or in a restaurant or something.

 

Roxas opens his mouth like he’s about to say something, but you just shoot him a glare and gesture for them to follow you.

 

Once you’re safely outside the precinct, you turn to them and paste an enormous fake smile on your face. “So!” you say, cheerily. “Wanna tell me why I’m short twelve hundred bucks and outside of the precinct? Where’s Axel?”

 

Roxas flinches. “He wasn’t picking up his phone,” he says in a small voice, which tells you that he did something enormously stupid and Axel isn’t talking to him. You really hope that the something stupid that he did isn’t standing beside you, gazing out at the trees.

 

You sigh. “Why are you here and what did you do?”

 

The blush that breaks out across Roxas’ face isn’t particularly promising.

 

“Me and Axel were fighting,” he starts, and you roll your eyes.

 

He glares at you. “We were fighting, so I went and—” his voice falters for a moment.

 

“Got completely smashed and took a stranger you met in a bar on a twelve hour bus ride while still intoxicated?” the man to your right pipes up for the first time. He’s got a smooth, cultured voice—like aged wine, vaguely smokey.

 

Roxas turns his glare to the other man. “You weren’t exactly the picture of sobriety either!” he accuses, insulted. “Do _you_ always go with sad, drunk strangers on bus rides or is that a new thing?”

 

The man sneers at him, lip curled in derision and remains silent.

 

“Oh come on, dude, we bonded!” Roxas says, bouncing on his heels.

 

“We had an incredibly in depth conversation about reckless lovers and—” the man pauses long enough to shoot you a look. “ _Brothers._ ”

 

“Exactly, we bonded and then we were both stupid enough to think that going to see my brother would be an awesome thing to do.”

 

A flush rises to the man’s face, like he doesn’t know what to say to that. He makes a clicking noise in the back of his throat and looks away. “Be that as it may, it was a ridiculous night and now I’m going to have to explain to my father why there is now an arrest on my record.”

 

“Wait, so why were the two of you arrested?” you ask, confused. “The last time I checked, riding a bus drunk seems to be a thing that people do a lot.”

 

This time, they both blush at the same time. “Public indecency,” the man says at the same moment that Roxas says, “Making out and getting our cocks out on a public mode of transportation.”

 

They both glare at each other at the same time. You laugh and gesture them into your car.

 

“So what’s your name?” you ask as you’re turning the key in the ignition, glancing in the rearview mirror.

 

The man bites his lip, then sighs and simply says, “Loki.”

 

Weird name, you were going to say, and then you have to slam on the brakes so you don’t end up backing into a tree. “Wait a second,” you hiss, turning in the drivers seat to look at him properly. “Loki _Odinsson_? That Loki? As in Odin  & Sons, the most prestigious fucking business in the _world_? Iron Man’s _fiance_ , Loki?”

 

Mutely he nods, and you have to shift the car back into park, putting your face in your hands.

 

“Why the hell didn’t you call _him_?” you whine, rubbing the heels of your thumbs into your eyes.

 

“He wasn’t picking up,” he bites out, churlish and a perfect mimicry of Roxas’ earlier response.

 

“Tony Stark has the most advanced A.I. in the world, how the hell did he not pick up?”

 

Loki— _Loki Odinsson_ —is grinding his teeth in your backseat while your brother gapes at the both of you.

 

“By being very, _very_ upset with me,” Loki says at the same moment that Roxas whispers, equal parts horrified and awestruck, “I made out with _Iron Man’s_ fiance? Oh my god, I'm going to die.”

 

“You didn’t know who he was?” you hiss. “You were on a bus with him for twelve hours!”

 

“In which he drooled on my shoulder for eight of them,” Loki remarks. “Now if you don’t mind, I’d prefer that we leave before the reporters show up.”

 

Feeling dazed, you put the car back in drive. You’re about to take Tony Stark’s boyfriend to your home, which you share with your wife and lover, one of whom might be expecting a child.

 

After a couple of minutes on the road, you ask, “When the hell did you get so many _piercings_?” You certainly don't remember him having them the last time you saw him in newsweek. Oh god, you have someone who was on _newsweek_ in your car.

  
A long, drawn-out sigh is your only response.


End file.
